My first outing after leaving hospital was to see my GP. I watched him read through my medical notes, when he finished, he looked up at me and said ‘these things happen’.
Throughout my recovery, healthcare professionals would use the phrase ‘these things happen’ as if it was a term of condolence. Whereas, I never heard any empathy within those words, just an indication of complacency. Complications may be part of the norm for healthcare professionals, but for me, my life would never be the same again. The words ‘these things happen’ would never be said to someone diagnosed with a chronic medical condition, so why was it appropriate to say it to me?
A few people instinctively knew the right thing to say, one radiographer said ‘I’ve spoken to your surgeon, sounds like you had a hideous time, I’m so sorry’. Within those few words, he had acknowledged my suffering, showed empathy, made me feel that I was over the worst of my recovery, and also indicated that my surgeon was concerned about me. He made me feel like he cared.
I’ve always found the phrase ‘everyone makes mistakes’ difficult to accept, not because I don’t agree with it, but because it detracts from the severity of what happened to me. One doctor took the time to explain in more detail how adverse events happen, and how they made him feel. He talked about how patients are not identical robots, but are all biologically different. He explained that, however much they plan, they can never guarantee how the human body will react in any given situation, and how two patients with identical symptoms may be suffering from different conditions. Throughout the conversation, he never downplayed my experiences, and through this, he helped me remain open minded to his perspective.
There were other people who simply said ‘sorry that you’re having such a difficult time’, a simple caring acknowledgment. Often, that was all I ever needed.
More than just physical 