Difficult conversations

After surgical complications, who should attend the duty of candour meeting? I’ve seen some surgeons argue that management should attend, as they need to hold some responsibility, others say that their registrar should be there, as it’s a good learning experience. However, from my perspective (the patient), it was important that my surgeon and I talked alone. It was personal, I had trusted him with my life, and he had let me down. That meeting was my surgeon’s opportunity to show me that he was sorry.

• Management

Bringing management along to the meeting, would be like your partner inviting your mother in-law to a marriage guidance session. The mother-in-law would be biased and get defensive. She’d probably say all the wrong things at the wrong time and just make everything ten times worse. It’s a recipe for disaster.

• The Registrar

Imagine at that marriage guidance session, if your partner had brought their best mate along. You’d feel outnumbered, the privacy would be gone, it would hamper any honest open conversation. Your partner’s action would suggest that they weren’t considering your feelings, making you angry.

• Lawyers

If your partner brought their solicitor to a marriage guidance session, their intentions would be clear. It’s going to be a messy divorce.

I’m grateful that my surgeon spoke with me alone, making that difficult conversation a little bit easier. I could see his frustrations because I couldn’t understand his perspective, but he was patient and talked with me for however long I needed. To be honest, I left that meeting with issues unresolved, but that conversation had been a fundamental step towards me becoming open minded to his point of view.